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Noroi (2005)

September 26th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

noroi Noroi is a japanese mockumentary horror film from 2005.  It has the usual Blair Witch Project approach where there are some texts in the beginning saying these tapes were found somewhere, and then the contents are rolled. Directed by Kôji Shiraishi, who aslo made the not-so-good-but-brutal Gurotesuku.

The mockumentary features a filmmaker who explores seemingly unrelated paranormal incidents connected by the legend of an ancient demon callaed Kagutaba. Turns out things are more closely related than what he first thought, and things get stranger and stranger.

Noroi is like a mix between Blair Witch Project, Ju-On and traditional japanese ghost stories. It gets (as usual with mockumentaries) a bit messy sometimes, making it hard to follow when the camera is shaking around everywhere like it was an earthquake scaling 10 on the Richter scale. Even so, I love asian horror and I really do want to love this film too. It’s done with genuine love and interest, but the execution is a bit poor. It doesn’t get really frightetning, even though they include most of the elements that are needed. It could be that they aren’t as persistent as in other films with the uncanny scenes that makes you shiver and wringe. Special effects aren’t usually an issue, but this time it’s too apparent that it is low budget and of underperforming quality.

I feel that the film is uneven. It goes from being really intense and suspense to boring and then to way over-the-top.

It’s an asian horror that has some qualities making it worth watching, but it has a long way to go to place itself among the top ones. One point for being Japanese. Two points for its efforts. That makes it three of five.

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This one becomes possessed and screams. A bit too much.

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This guy dress himself in aluminium foil, protecting him from the ectoplasm worms. Whatever those are. He’s a crazy motherfucker, but he’s onto something.

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Kagutaba.

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Messengers 2: The Scarecrow (2009)

September 25th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

messengers_2_the_scarecrow While the first Messengers film from 2007 was rather good, I can’t really say the same about this second film (that actually is a prequel). One reason could be that the original budget was $15 Million, but it ended up being shot for $2 million in 18 days, staying under-budget after the finished product. But I think it all fails with the scarecrow in the end. Let me explain.

The family man farmer John Rollins is stressed with his financial situation: the crows and the lack of irrigation are destroying his crop of corn; the bank is near closure of his mortgage; he does not have credit to fix the water pump or to buy seeds; and his marriage is in crisis and his wife Mary is giving too much attention to her friend Tommy (who wouldn’t? He’s got a great name!)

When John accidentally discovers a hidden compartment in the barn, he finds a fuck-ugly scarecrow but his son Michael makes him promise to destroy it. But as usual in these kind of films, they don’t listen to the little wise kid. You stupid fuck. His neighbor Jude Weatherby visits him, gives a six-pack of beer to the abstemious John and convinces him to put the scarecrow in the cornfield. Out of the blue, the life of John changes: the crows die; the pump works again irrigating the land; and the banker responsible for the closure has an accident and dies (like that would solve the economic problems. Only in movies, my friends. Only in movies).

However, he feels that his land is possessed by something evil that is threatening his beloved family. Could it have something to do with the scarecrow? You bet your ass it could.

It’s all pretty good until the very end, where I went all like this:

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The god damn scarecrow comes “alive” and starts  walking and shit. Hear me out. First of all, the film has nudity, some minor thriller-like intensity, character development and to some extent half-eerie things going on. But it all feels like a mediocre version of Children of the Corn. It only catches up its pace near the end. The scarecrow takes care of killing things via magic or some shit, but there – when we get close to the end, they just had to bring him “alive” and make him walk around the place trying to kill the whole family. It’s ridiculous, it’s silly, it’s awkward, it’s one of the worst moves they  ever made when writing the script. It lowers the score of the film down to the lowest possible. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

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The man in the field. A bit corny.

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This is the badass magic scarecrow.

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Dante Alighieri – Divina Commedia (1308-1321)

September 24th, 2011 | Category: Book Reviews

2210177_f260 The Divine Comedy. One of the most well-known italian poems ever to date. It has been referenced vastly in all kind of media (books, films, shows, and just about everything else) – but how many have actually read what Dante wrote back in the days?

I had the opportunity to read a Swedish translation of the book, with translators note added in the back. That was plenty helpful, since the texts presume that you know your greek mythology, your bible and especially your 14th century Italy politics and current events. I thought it would be more challenging to read considering the grammar and choice of words, but it was easier than I had suspected. The whole poem is very descriptive, even though it is rich of metaphores and alusions. If you get the chance, you should also check out the awesome paintings (or rather wood carvings) of Gustave Doré.

Since the text is of a rather big importance, I’d thought I’d make this “review” more of an overview of what the hell is going on in the texts. Bear with me, this might be long. But it will be worth it if you have any interest in the subject.

Dante Alighieri was born 1265 into a noble Florentine family in a city torn apart by rival clans. While feudal aristocracy backed imperial authority (Ghibellines), the Alighieri family supported the pope (Guelphs). Their party eventually splintered into hotile White and Black factions. Offended by Pope Boniface VIII’s interference in secular affairs, Dante, too, became embroiled in this sectarianism and joined the White Guelphs. He was banished following the Black Guelph victory fo 1302. Although he enjoyed the patronage of powerful northern Italian princes, his future political allegiances were misguided. He died in exile in Ravenna in 1321.

The Divine Comedy, the first book to be written in the Italian vulgare instead of Latin, was begun in 1308 and contains three cantiche: Inferno Hell), Purgatorio (Purgatory) and Paradiso (Paradise) – written in what is called terza rima (it’s a verse scheme of three-line stanzas with interlocking rhyme patters, like aba, bcb, cdc, and so on). Dante’s influences included the classics, the neo-Platonists, Aristotle, natural philosophy and theology. The Inferno’s opening canto is a microcosm of the entirre work and it’s topography prefigures the three realms of the soul’s afterlife: the dark wood (Hell), the barren slope (Mount Purgatory), and the blissful mountain (Paradise).

The epic poem juxtaposes human privation, injustice and imperfection with divine freedom, justice and perfection. Dante’s allegorical theme of God’s gradual revelation to an unsuspecting, unprepared pilgrim beautifully illustrates the concept of the rational human soul choosing salvation of its own free will. The use of real-life characters, autobiographical detail, personal failures and triumphs, sophisticated eschatological discourse and the denunciation of contemporary politics renders the poem unique. The images remain unsurpassed – galloping centaurs, devils, chained giants, cannibalism, dazzling angels, supernatural rivers and trees, configuration of lights and a heavenly stadium.

The symbolism of each realm with its various landscapes, rivers, guardians, inhabitants, pageants and dramas, combined with important number patterns (7 terraces, nymphs and capital sins; the Trinity; Lucifer’s 3 faces; Cerberus 3 heads; the heavenly trio (Mary, Lucy, Matilda); 3 theological virtues; the triune nature of Geryon, and 3 beasts and 3 Furies), gives the poem a tight complexity.

The technique of having two Dante characters, the Poet and the Pilgrim, allows the narrative to reach out to the universal reader whilst operating on a personal level. During his spiritual journey, the pilgrim participates in the sin of every sinner, the penance of every repentant soul and the bliss of the blessed – he is Everyman. Sometimes his pity is stirred by the damned – many sinners try to trick him and each other – which threatens his safety. Exchanges in Hell are hurried, devious and insincere, in marked contrast with the stoical patience of Purgatory and Heaven’s peaceful eternity.

Beatrice’s intervention when the pilgrim is lost and contemplating suicide reveals that benign forces have authorized the whole pilgrimage. God’s supervision is also evident from the events paralleling the Advents of Christ: the arrial of the angel at the gates of Dis is like the First Coming or Christäs Harrowing of Hell; the pair of angels making their descent into the valley is like the Second Coming or Christ entering Christian hearts; and Beatrice appears in the Earthly Paradise like the Third Coming or Final Judgement.

Virgil and Beatrice embody qualities that change with major shifts in the narrative. Where logic is required over faith (Hell), Virgil is a wonderful personification of reason or human wisdom: he wards off danger and shows the way in spite of his pre-Christian limitations. Where faith supersedes reason, he fades into the background and feels self-conscious, his answers limited by a lack of Christian knowledge. Stepping in to pass judgement on the pilgrim after he has been crowned and mitred by Virgil is Beatrice. She appears on the pageant’s chariot as the Sacrament of the Body of Christ in the Church. No longer just an earthly model of beauty and courtesy, she now embodies divine wisdom, revelation and grace and in her eyes is reflected the dual nature of Christ in the Griffin.

Hell (Inferno)

Dante categorizes sin as being without malice (Incontinence) or with malicious intent (Violence or Fraud). Cowardice and indecisiveness escape this dichotomy and are marginalized within Limbo. Heresy is in a kind of no-man’s land as it refutes Christian reality and the soul’s immortality yet does not involve sinful action. Hell, under the city of Jerusalem in the Northern Hemisphere, extends funnel-like into the earth’s core. Dante and Virgil are forced to climb down Lucifer’s body because Mount Purgatory lies in the opposite (Southern) Hemisphere.

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The pilgrim’s behaviour sometimes mirrors that of the damned – for example, he chooses not to interact with the Indecisives; he compares with Bonafice’s inexcusable destruction of the Church’s foundations; and the language he uses when conversing with the Thieves suggests that he is contributing to the transformations themselves.

Here are a few examples of contrapasso (logical relationship between punishment and offence – a new word I learned today). The suicides severed ties with their body so they will be denied human form on Judgement Day. The Profligates, who were violently wasteful, are chased and torn by dogs through trees because property was seen as an extension of the body and this kind of violence was tantamount to suicide. The Flatterers are immersed in their verbal diarrhoea. The Simonists are given inverted baptisms with fire to illustrate their ecclesiastical perversion. The Benedictine garb of the Hypocrites condemns their false piety whilst the Thieve’s multiple transformation parody reincarnation and reflect their inablity to separate ‘mine’ from ‘thine’. Fraudulent, silver-tongued rhetoric is condemned by the flaming tongues that consume the evil counsellors while those who divided institutions, communities and families are ripped open. The corrosive influece of falsification on metals (Alchemists), money (Counterfeiters), identity (Imposters) and truth (Liars) is fittingly expressed through the diseased state of their bodies and minds.

Divine Comedy

Church doctrine unfolds within a dark, noisy, smelly and antagonistic panorama where teachings are witnessed through the actions of sinners. As the pilgrim progresses through Purgatory on his way to Paradise, learning more and more by example, he hears long discourses about philosophical and theological doctrine from his teachers (Virgil, Beatrice, Statius, Lucy, Saint Bernard) until his faith comes to be examined by three of the Apostles (Peter, James and John).

Purgatory (Purgatorio)

Hell and Heaven are eternal states. Purgatory is a place of transition where souls do penance and are in contact with the living. Death’s second kingdom is courteous yet disciplined with a gatekeeper at Peter’s Gate, the Rule of the Mountain and angel guardians stationed all the way up the terraces to the Earthly Paradise. It is fitting that the journey from Ante-Purgatory to the First Cornice should be the most arduous.

The mood is one of joy – lovers are reunited and all souls are bound for Heaven – but there is melancholy and austerity here as well because acute contrition is required to purge the stain of capital sin. Rituals to eradicate its root include penitence, a seven-fold pardon and two baptisms – one by water, the other by fire. In a reversal of the passage where Virgil cast off his pupil’s cord (foolish self-confidence) before entering Lower Hell, the pilgrim girds himself with a reed to clothe his spirit in humility.

Everywhere there is the promise of God’s love: in visions of the Host (the Sun, Beatrice riding the chariot), Cato’s face, the ship of souls, the murmur of prayer and angelic voices, the pageants and the seven terrace warders. Punishment is borne willingly. On every cornice, penitence compireses the penance itself followed by a meditation made up of the Whip (examples of the opposing virtue) and the Bridle (deterrent examples of the sin), plus a prayer, a benediction and the pardon of the angel.

Paradise (Paradiso)

The structure of the heavenly ascent is based on the accepted Prolemaic model – seven concentric planetary spheres revolving around the Earth. Beyond Saturn, the plantes are enclosed in the Sttarry Heaven, where changeless angelic intelligences control the motion and order of the visible universe circling around the Primum Mobile, which is motionless. The abode of God, the Empyrean or Tenth Heaven, lies beyond time, space and movement.

Dante places different groups of souls on each level to represent the stages of spiritual advancement that are possible through the active and the contemplative life. This arrangement does not physically exist of course – all souls share one God and one Heaven and are not attached to a particular sphere – but it is part of God’s plan to provide some sort of sequence so that the pilgrim may be able to grasp a fragment of the ultimate reality of it all.

The tone of Paradise is at once liturgical, lyrical and scientific, dominated by the presence of light, song discourse, visions and revelations. A sense of harmony, of spiritis united in love and will, is reflected in the encounters and conversations with the souls (manifested as light forms) who speak, sing or blush in anger at humanity’s eartly wrongdoings. The blessedness of unity with God is conveyed in those cantos where souls are not presented individually but as part of a symbolic figure or a larger whole: the double configuration of lights, the ruby-studded Cross, the eagle of justice, the ladder, the lit-up message and, finally, the mystic  rose.

Paradise is a blinding vision beyond human comprehension where words fall short yet astounding lucidity prevails: the indescribable beauty of Beatrice’s face when the Empyrean momentarily shines through her; the radiance of the blessed wearing their body of glory; Dante gazing into the divind light and seeing the created universe in its entirety; the mystery of the Holy Trinity expressed through geometric perfection.

ISBN13: 9789127114685
ISBN: 9127114686

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Geoul sokeuro (2003)

September 18th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

38053018 Also known as Into the Mirror. This film inspired the Hollywood production Mirrors, which I liked. But I think the story is more closely related to Mirrors 2, which I haven’t seen yet. Geoul sokeuro is a South Korean film.

Anyways, the plot is about Wu Young-min, a former policeman who inadvertently brought about the death of his partner during a faceoff with a criminal.

He has quit the police force and now heads up security at Dreampia Department Store as an employee of the security company SecuZone. Having been caught up in the situation at the department store, Wu comes across his former rival and co-worker Ha Hyun-su, who now heads the investigation into the recent murders. The presence of Ha and the situation as a whole causes Wu to relive the horrendous memories which he has since tried to forget. Meanwhile, Choi Sang-ki is head of SecuZone, which is hurrying to solve the recent string of murders. A mysterious woman Lee Ji-hyun is also found lingering about the crime scenes. Without wishing it, Wu is drawn farther and farther into the deeping mystery surrounding the murders.

It’s supposed to be scary I think. But it isn’t. The thing about mirrors and your reflection moving but you don’t is kinda cool, but the execution is poor. The tempo is too slow and our protagonist doesn’t show even one kind of emotion, making you not care about him at all. He’s like a korean Keanu Reeves. It’s rather boring I’d say. I thought it would be much better, since I usually like asian horror films. What I got instead was a quite boring thriller that I could have skipped.

Geoul sokeuro’s only value is to see the origin of the remakes, but to be honest (and this is rare!), I’d say that the American remake is so much better. I can’t really recommend Geoul sokeuro even though I would like to. I’m sorry.

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Saw III (2006)

September 10th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

saw-iii The third movie continues where the second one started.

Jeff is an anguished man, who grieves and misses his young son that was killed by a driver in a car accident. He has become obsessed for revenge against the man and reckless with his wife and daughter.

When Dr. Lynn Denlon (Bahar Soomekh, a persian beauty), who has troubles with her marriage, is abducted by the deranged Jigsaw’s apprentice Amanda, she is brought to a gruesome warehouse to keep John Kramer (Jigsaw) alive in spite of having a terminal brain tumor.

Amanda puts a necklace gadget filled with shotgun shells and triggers around Dr. Lynn’s neck connected to John Kramer’s life support system, and tells her that if he dies the device will explode. Meanwhile, Jeff is submitted to a sick game of forgiveness with surprising dark consequences.

The story of Jeff is not grabbing my attention at all. It’s just content added to make a parallell story to the Dr. Lynn parts, and it could just as easily been left out. But what would a Saw film be without so many traps and awkward situations where you are facing death? The story of Jeff gives us those kind of things.

Speaking of traps, there are so many of them that he just could have stopped by simple mechanical ingenuity. It’s always that god damn key, but how the hell does that help you when you’re in such a pinch? Not at all you dumbass. Crank those cog wheels with a piece of iron instead you dumb piece of shit.

Saw III surprises me. Just as it starts getting boring, things twist around and it gets interesting again. But at 1:31:30 into the film they should have ended it all. It’s all explained, by you thinking for yourself and filling in the holes. But no, the film continues and deliberately tells you every detail they think you’re not smart enough to understand yourelf.

But, then again, it gets better by twisting and turning your brain around in that unexpected way you almost expect it to do. Then it twist it even more. It gets a bit ridiculous, but I like it. It challenges your thinking and your sense of continuity.

Some final words: It serves that psychopathic bitch right to die in the end. You know who I mean.

What you perhaps do not know is that 1000 special posters were made and were sold for $20 each in support of Saw III and the American Red Cross. Tobin Bell (Jigsaw), donated 2 vials of his own blood to be dumped into the red ink vat. All 1000 posters were then printed with the red ink vat and later sold. However, the first print was put up for auction. It was also signed by the entire cast and crew. All proceeds from both sales, went to the American Red Cross.

Saw III was great. And it ended with a clear opening for the fourth film.

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Look at my six-pack! Oh wait, they’re being torn off.

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It’s not lipstick dear. It’s shotgun shells.

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Ummm…. Could you pass me that link to that guy?

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Four Roads To Hell (2007)

September 06th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

2nlxxmp Four Roads to Hell can go to hell. It’s a rather short (54 minutes) Japanese horror film, that consists of several short ghost stories with no correlation with each other. They’re not qualitative. They are not scary. The stories they try to tell range from mundane to straight out boring.

Four Roads to Hell aint got shit on e.g. Ringu or Ju-On. No, this was perhaps the worst piece of japanese horror I’ve ever seen. You know, the shit is Japanese which makes me want to like it. But I can’t. I just can’t. How much I even try, I realize that the crap I’m watching is… crap.

Stay away from this piece of garbage. It’s so bad, it doesn’t even have an IMDB page. Good riddance.

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Bride of Chucky (1998)

September 04th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

bride-of-chucky_59058814_163936902 In Bride of Chucky, Chucky’s back in business once again. Charles Lee Ray’s body parts are being held at a criminal evidence station in the form of a small doll known as the famous Chucky.

When his old-time sweet heart, Tiffany, picks up his remaining limbs and puts them back together, she performs a ritual that revives the murderous maniac. But Chucky decides that he wants another individual to help him with his dirty work. So he kills Tiffany, and then revives her as a “doll bride”.

When they decide to spend their honeymoon with another happy couple on the highway, it becomes another murder spree. With a “blood-bath on wheels” and two murderous dolls, the human couples find that this was going to be a “Highway To Hell” in this gruesome film of blood and gore and a little bit of Chucky & Tiffany.

I actually thought the film was funnier and better than expected. It’s more of a comedy than a horror film. I’m overseeing some fuck-ups in the translation to the swedish subtitles (“…even if you had the body of G.I Joe” –> “även om du har kroppen av Ken”). Did they just translate G.I Joe to Ken? Last time I checked Barbie’s Ken wasn’t even a tenth of a badass as G.I Joe. Did the translator think that we Swedes didn’t know who G.I Joe is? Did the translator not know who G.I Joe is and did that shitty translation? Fucking retard.

Anyways, there’s a lot of flirts with all other horror series, e.g. Hellraiser (One guy is killed making him look almost like Pinhead, whereas Chucky remarks “Why does that seem so familiar?”). Hilarious. Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween – also referenced in the beginning.

The dynamics between the two dolls is amazing; morbidly funny to the borderline of bizarre, almost making it too much. For example, the wedding suite mirror scene where the couple having sexy time gets murdered – what the living bejesus christly fuck was that all about?

All in all, it’s a funny and exaggerated film that will make you smile. A lot. Especially the ending. It was flabbergasting. Like served for having a sequel, which probably will be up next.

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Mr Handsome and his bitch

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His bitch, human version.

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Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

September 03rd, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

Holy grail I had the opportunity to re-watch the old Monty Python classic this week. There are some things that never gets old and never gets boring – Monty Python’s Holy Grail is one of those. As early as 1975 they were the kings of comedy, and there isn’t much that can come up on par with their intelligent sense of humour. Many have tried, but far from all have even come close.

The movie starts out with Arthur, King of the Britons, looking for knights to sit with him at Camelot. He finds many knights including Sir Galahad the pure, Sir Lancelot the brave, the quiet Sir Bedevere, and Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir Lancelot. They do not travel on horses, but pretend they do and have their servants bang coconuts to make the sound of horse’s hooves. Through satire of certain events in history (witch trials, the black plague) they find Camelot, but after literally a quick song and dance they decide that they do not want to go there.

While walking away, God (who seems to be grumpy) come to them from a cloud and tells them to find the Holy Grail. They agree and begin their search. While they search for the Grail, scenes of the knight’s tales appear and why they have the name they have. Throughout their search they meet interesting people and knights along the way…

The story itself isn’t really interesting, and it’s not meant to be. It’s all the peculiar situations and the dialogue that is hilarious. If you have an intelligence level a little bit above those of donkeys, then you will most probably enjoy the film. Most of you have already seen it and remember scenes like the one with the Bridge of Death, the killer rabbit, the promiscuous ladies at the castle who wants a spanking and the oral sex, the meta humour, the knights who say “Ni” and so forth. Everything is so weirdly funny in a somewhat intelligent way. I Love it.

Some fun facts you may or may not already know:

  • Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Film is Michael Palin‘s infant son Tom.
  • Michael Palin plays the most characters (12).
  • Funds earned by Pink Floyd‘s album “The Dark Side of the Moon” went towards funding The Holy Grail. The band were such fans of the show they would halt recording sessions just to watch Monty Python’s Flying Circus.
  • During one of the first screenings of the film in front of a live audience, director Terry Jones noticed that when music was played during the jokes, there was a marked reduction of laughter from the audience. He went back and edited the music out whenever a punchline was delivered. At subsequent screenings he noticed a dramatic increase in the audiences’ positive reactions to the jokes. From that point on, whenever he directed, he remembered to stop the music for the funny parts.
  • “God” is in fact a photograph of the famous 19th-century English cricketer W.G. Grace.
  • Graham Chapman (as King Arthur) was the only member of the cast to wear real chain mail armor. It weighed about 25 pounds. The rest of the cast wore knitted wool, painted to look like metal.
  • For the Japanese release, “Holy Grail” is translated “Holy Sake Cup.”
  • The famous depiction of galloping horses by using coconut shells came about from the purely practical reason that the production simply couldn’t afford real horses.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail is no less than a masterpiece, and should be treated as such too.

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Do you think he’s a bit horn-y? (harr harr harr)

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You need a hand with that?

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The faces of the two dudes who just discovered that Copyswede is now charging an extra fee for all external hard drives and USB memory sticks.

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The killer rabbit. Killing knights like a boss, since 750 A.D

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That unlucky dude was about to get laid when his friend ruined everything.

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Cowboys & Aliens (2011)

August 28th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

cowboys-and-aliens-poster I went with a friend and girlfriend to see Cowboys & Aliens, a new movie based on a couple of years old comic book. Starring Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford and some other half-known people, the setting is the American Western. Our protagonist, Jake Lonergan, wakes up and finds himself having an unremovable bracelet attached to his wrist.

Turns out that the bracelet is an alien thingie (like a badass weapon which you can blast aliens with), and there are a lot of aliens around abducting people and doing experiments on them and also stealing gold. Now, the former enemies (Ford, Craig) have to join forces and also team up with the Indian tribes and go put things right.

The film is very stylish, and the cast is excellent. I was a bit tired after being awake for way too long, so the fact that I almost fell asleep during short intervals during the show should not be interpreted as it was boring. It was not.

There’s a great deal of well-performed action scenes (of course), and the ending was also a bit surprising. Cowboys & Aliens is to be taken seriously. It’s not a “funny” film, despite the title almost suggesting it to be.

It’s way from being a masterpiece, but it beats the shit out of previous competition in the same area (e.g. Independence Day or Skyline or Battlefield Los Angeles) – the mixture of cowboys, outlaws, indians and aliens is splendid.

Daniel Craig fits like an alien bracelet on a human arm in his role as Jake. Could be that he’s looking like an 2011 version of Steve McQueen. Anyhow, regardless of all that junk the movie was really really entertaining – period. It doesn’t delve deep into other subjects nor does it try to make you indulge in any moral matters. Oh, and another thing on the pro-side of this film: Harry Gregson-Williams made the score. He’s fucking awesome.

My colleagues at work told me that the film was actually pretty good – better than expected. And I must admit that they were right. My only real complaint is that I had to use the force of a thousand elephants to make the push-button (for adjusting the seat) on my VIP-chair  in the theater to work.

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What’s that thing doing on my wrist?

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Gran Torino (2008)

August 21st, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

gran-torino There were a bit of a fuzz around Gran Torino, a rather recent Clint Eastwood film – where he also starrs as the main protagonist. I have been wanting to see it for a long time, and the other day I took the chance to see it.

Eastwood plays the role of Walt Kowalski. Kowalski is recently widowed, and much of Walt’s views of life are  shaped by his time in the Korean War. On strained relations with his grown sons and not wanting the advice of the priest of his wife’s church, Walt is a gruff man who has few friends.

As such, he lives a solitary life with his pet labrador retriever Daisy in the same house he has lived in for years, which is located in a working class Highland Park, Michigan neighborhood.

Recently, the neighborhood has gone through changes where it is now racially mixed. The Lor family, of ethnic Hmong descent, move into the house next door to Walt’s, the family which includes two teenagers, streetwise Sue and shy Thao.

Initially Walt wants nothing to do with his new foreign neighbors. Slowly, Walt does get involved in Sue and Thao’s lives, despite Thao having once tried to steal Walt’s beloved 1972 Gran Torino. That attempted theft was a Hmong gang initiation ritual, a gang to which Thao does not want to belong. Walt sees that Sue and Thao will never be able to live in peace as long as that gang exists. As his teen-aged neighbors’ unofficial protector, Walt has to figure out how best to restore his sense of right in the neighborhood.

As you see it’s a not-so-complicated synopsis. It doesn’t have to be. It works anyway. You can see and you can feel how Walt is changing from the beginning of the film throughout to the climatic ending, which is one of the better and more capturing I’ve seen. The film as a whole breathes quality, and despite the fact that there are no zombies, not a lot of action, not any nudity and there’s basically just this badass old man and a couple of gangsters who’re providing most of the fun – it’s fucking brilliant.

I haven’t seen many of Eastwood’s films; not the ones he has directed nor the ones he has starred as an actor. My uneducated view of him has been that he has become a pretentious bastard that rides on his good name to make shitty movies.

I was wrong. Gran Torino was awesome, and I want more of the same stuff. So I will probably go grab the Million Dollar  Baby and other films soon. The old western films will have to wait.

What I’m trying to say is that Gran Torino was way better than expected. Go see it.

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Pew pew pew

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This is… my boomstick!

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You see that car in the background? That’s the Gran Torino.

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La Zona (2007)

August 17th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

la zona 2007 La Zona is a Spanish/Argentinan/Mexican drama, where the setting is Mexico City. A wealthy compound is surrounded by walls and surveillance systems to protect the locals against the violence of the slums. During a stormy night, a billboard falls over the wall and three smalltime thieves cross the border through the breach to rob.

They break into a house and kill an old lady; the residents organize militias to chase the delinquents. Two of them and one security guard are murdered by the vigilantes, but the sixteen year old Miguel hides in the basement of the teenager Alejandro. When Alejandro finds Miguel, he feeds and helps the boy,and seeing Miguel’s side of the story, decides to help him escape from the zone. But that may be harder than it seems.

It’s a real depressing story of police corruption, injustice and how far people can go when protecting their own backyard. I liked the way the film ended, in that morbid way that left you with a bad feeling.

I have no idea if the director tries to make a point about Mexican society today, and I actually do not care. What I do care about though is that I got to see about 100 minutes of mediocre drama combined with some chases and action. The boy playing the role of Alejandro is doing a great job, and he is the only character that have some depth. All other characters just feel a bit too… anonymous.

Not the best piece of film I’ve seen, but not the worst either. Could be worth a shot, but there are better choices out there.

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Mai ming xiao zi (1979)

August 17th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

cover Also known as Magnificient Ruffians, or Destroyers, or Destroyers of the Five Deadly Venoms. Yes, I know, those are silly titles. But that was the way it was for movies made in Hong Kong back in the seventies. Especially those Kung Fu movies – the category this one belongs to.

For the plot, go read here. It’s about this cocky guy who owns a golden “sword” (more like a spear with a blade at the tip, can’t remember what those weapons are called). He’s a badass Kung Fu master, and enjoys killing other martial artists. He invites people over to his crib so he can fight them.

Then we have our protagonists. A gang of three who teams up with a fourth guy, all with various specialities when it comes to hand-held weaponry. Double sword, heavy legs, bo staff and some fourth weapon which I don’t remember. Hence, the fourth weapon was not probably so cool. An axe, perhaps.

Anyways. These guys get involved with this golden sword dude, and they quarrel among eachother before teaming up to defeat the bad guy.

Not so complicated story, all clearly recorded in a studio, with some assisting characters around to emphasize the personalities of the other fighters. The real fighters (actors) is a gang of five that is called the Venom Mob, apparently childhood friends who went to acting classes together and then starred in a hell of a lot of films.

The film is bad. The fighting scenes are horrible. I admire the physical fitness of the actors, but the fighting scenes are just too choreographed – they look more like they’re playing around than fighting. And when it comes to people getting cut and stuff – that looked like shit. I know, it isn’t really fair to compare a film from -79 with the standards nowadays.

Fuck fair, I’ll do it anyway. Special effects sucked. So, summing up we have lousy special effects, a story that isn’t touching at all, and rather shitty fighting scenes. What does work however is the somewhat funny situations that occur from time to time. They were a pleasant addition to the otherwise quite boring film.

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Here’s like a collage of all neat stuff in the film. Too bad it wasn’t as neat when watching it in moving pictures.

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Interview (2007)

August 15th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

Interview-free-tf.org-2007 IMDB says this about Interview:

Everyone wants a piece of a celebrity. Pierre is a political reporter, assigned to write a fluff piece on Katya, a blond who acts in slasher movies and a Fox show about single girls in the city. The interview, at a restaurant, goes badly: she’s late, he’s unprepared and rude. After leaving, he bangs his head in a fender bender and she takes him to her loft to clean the wound. Lubricated by alcohol and competitive natures, the interview resumes. She takes phone calls from her fiancé, Pierre reads her diary on her computer. They discuss wounds, he expresses concern, father-daughter feelings arise. Out come camcorders to tape their darkest secrets. Is friendship or more in the offing?

Tommie writes this about Interview:

Fucking piece of crap not even worth the film it was recorded on. A boring piece of uninteresting bullshit where Steve acts all creepy and finally gets fucked (not literally) by the actor he’s “trying” to interview. There’s nothing else to write. This is why I hate dramas. They fucking suck, just like this piece of shit.

So, there you go. Do you believe IMDB or do you believe me? The latter of course. If you chose the former, then suit yourself. I warned you.

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Gone Baby Gone (2007)

August 15th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

gone-baby-gone_46053875 When 4 year old Amanda McCready disappears from her home and the police make little headway in solving the case, the girl’s aunt Beatrice McCready hires two private detectives Patrick Kenzie and Angie Gennaro. The detective freely admit that they have little experience with this type of case, but the family wants them for two reasons – they’re not cops and they know the tough neighborhood in which they all live. As the case progresses, Kenzie and Gennaro face drug dealers, gangs and pedophiles. When they are about to solve their case, they are faced with a moral dilemma that could tear them apart.

I found Gone Baby Gone interesting to watch because it was directed and written by Ben Affleck – haven’t ever seen a film made by that guy; just movies that he has starred in. So that grabbed my attention. Then his brother is playing the lead role, and that is an uneven performance to say the least. Sometimes, he’s just brilliant, bringing long monologues with spirit and awesomeness. But then at other times, the character and performance feels artificial and you just get tired of him being such an idealist with such a bent view of reality. Morgan Freeman and Ed Harris lifts the whole thing a great deal though.

It’s refreshing to see a private investigator in a film that for once isn’t this fat, old 40-year old whiskey-drinking dude wearing trenchcoat and fedora hat. The investigator (the protagonist) is young, knows everybody on the block, is more street wise than the whole MS-13 alltogether.

The film is cut together in a fascinating way that weaves the story together as it proceeds. I just can’t stand the god damn idiotic ethical questions Ben insists on putting up when the end is closing in. It’s stupid, it’s weird, and it doesn’t make sense at all. I know, he wants to show that the dude is taking a stand, but it isn’t believable at all.  Too bad for a promising film to go out just fading into oblivion.

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Crackwhore mom and private eye and his girlfriend who lets him down for such a shitty little thing. Seriously, he should have get rid of her long time ago.

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Gangster (2007)

August 13th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

gangster(2007) Gangster is a swedish movie starring a lot of the biggest swedish actors like Mikael Persbrandt, Kjell Bergqvist, Zara Zetterqvist, and a lot of others that I recognize but don’t know their names.

It revolves around Antonio Moro, who works for gangster boss Thomas Steel (Persbrandt). He lives happily with his girlfriend Tanya who is expecting their child. Antonio’s future looks bright, until one eventing when he is ordered to kill a person who is close to all of them. Then shit starts to get crazy. The wife is in a car accident, his unborn child is killed, and everything just goes to hell.

Fast forward 3 years. Things has started to look better. But his obnoxious (and hot) sister steals money from him to pay a ransom for their dad back in Columbia before he is killed. That puts Antonio into a quite shitty situation, and he must solve this lack-of-money problem before he gets killed.

The whole thing is a complete mess of interrelations between characters, lousy shootout scenes but with really awesome characters. It’s a bit hard to see swedes as gangsters, but Persbrandt is making an excellent role of being an asshole – the way he usually is in films. Works great.

What works less great is some of the other actors who can’t act for shit, and the rather complicated interrelationsships between all the people on screen. It gets a bit clearer when they (in dialogue) become way too obvious with their intentions and plans, leaving no food for thought at all.

Gangster is a good try to make a Swedish Godfather, but it doesn’t get all the way there. It doesn’t even get near. Avoid.

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The source of all problems. A girl. What else?

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Persbrandt being a mobster boss like a boss.

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Due Date (2010)

August 09th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

images Due Date, a movie in the same spirit as The Hangover. Unfortunately not as funny or entertaining. The guys make an excellent acting effort though, but I just can’t ‘feel it’ as I did with The Hangover – that one made me laugh so hard that I couldn’t breathe.

Storywise, it’sPeter Highman (Robert Downey Jr.) who must get to L.A in five days to be at the birth of his firstborn (hence the title). He is about to fly home from Atlanta when his luggage and wallet are sent to L.A without him, and he is put on the “no-fly” list. Desperate to get home Peter is forced to accept the offer of Ethan Tremblay (Zach Galifianakis) to hitch a ride with him cross-country. Peter is about to go on the most terrifying and agonizing journey of his life, because Ethan is one of the most annoying (but also most wonderful) people in the world.

I fell almost asleep during some parts of the film. I felt it never really started, it was just a long roadtrip that was funny at some times, but mostly agonizing. I’m just glad that my recent roadtrip wasn’t as bad as these guys’ roadtrip. Robert Downey Jr. is awesome, and Zack Galifianakis-something-hard-to-spell-surname is also awesome. But Due Date lacked soul. It falls somewhere in mediocre land where some will laugh and some will yawn. I did some of both.

If you still is about to see the film, then put your expectations aside and take it for what it is – then I think you may enjoy it. I had way too high expectations to be satisfied after watching it.

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The dude, the dog and the fap-fap man

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Friday the 13th (1980)

July 22nd, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

friday13thorig_134256921 Last night there were a hell of a storm outside, with thunder and lightning and a deluge pouring from the sky – it was all in biblical proportions. What is better then than to watch and old-school awesome horror film? Nothing.

So I decided to bring up the Friday the 13th films, starting of course with the first one (I fell asleep shortly afterwards, so the marathon was quite short). I think you all remember the film, although you’re been shat with later remakes that I think wasn’t all that good (we’ll see about that soon). For those who don’t:

The setting is Camp Crystal Lake, a group of young counselors begin to get ready to lead campers. Unfortunately for the former, someone isn’t happy about what’s going on in the camp and enjoys playing Kill the Counselor. As bodies fall to the ground in the camp (in very creative ways I must admit), no one is safe. I don’t need to state the fact that Jason Voorhees is not in the film at all until the very end, do I?

One interesting thing about the well-known main musical theme of the film is the origin of the Ki-ki-ki-ki, he-he-he-he sound: The composer had some echo enabled on the mic, and then he went about to say “Kill her, Mommy” (as the mom is saying in the film), but as he just started saying “Ki..”, it echoed. And then he continued with “Her” – which also echoed. He thought it sounded quite uncanny. So there you go, there you have your classic theme – being born by a coincidence.

I know many people have tried to deduce something from the fact that people having sex in the film (yes, they do have a lot of sex – including the young Kevin Bacon), there was not thought about incorporating a moral stating that promiscuous people will get killed. It was concluded that the writers and directors just used their previous movie watching experience to make up the plot. No moral cakes. Just pure low-budget horror.

The story behind the low-budget film going national and becoming such a  great success that it is – is amazing. And I am grateful. Friday the 13th is a classic that will always stay close to my heart. It’s never scary, and it wasn’t supposed to be either – but it’s gory. Tom Saivini made a hell of a job in the special effects department. And one could never forget the ending which  leaves you with a chill. Love it.

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Kill her, Mommy!

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Problem?

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I see what you did there.

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From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

July 21st, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

FromDuskTillDawn Revisited the old Robert Rodriguez classic From Dusk Till Dawn the other day. I remember when I saw it the first time. It starts out like a regular robbery / action movie, but then half-way through turns into a vampire horror grindhouse flick.

In short, that’s all there is to the story. Seth Gecko and Richard Gecko (George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino) are brothers who are on the lam after a bloody bank robbery in Texas. They escape across the border to Mexico together with a kidnapped family, and think they will be home-free the next morning when they pay off the local kingpin (who is played by Cheech Marin (Cheech & Chong), who by a coincidence also plays the role of the border officer and the “pussy man” (barker at the Titty Twister, the bar that is open ‘From Dusk till Dawn’.

At the Titty Twister, strange things start to happen, and the guys and girls need to survive from dusk till dawn…

I really love the grindhouse genre, and Rodriguez together with Tarantino (screenplay) makes up for an excellent duo. They never go wrong. Together with a crew consisting of the former mentioned ones plus Harvey Keitel, Juliette Lewis, Salma Hayek, Danny Trejo, Tom Savini, Fred Williamson and many others, they deliver about one and a half hour of awesomeness. I clearly remember the vampire scenes, and Fred’s character Scott with his marvelous uncanny smile he gets when turning into one of those.

From Dusk till Dawn is without doubt one of my favourite films, and much of that is credited to the atmosphere and the superb dialogue that is somewhat of a trademark of Rodriguez / Tarantino. Full score, motherfucker.

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Danny Trejo going bananas

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Supertight

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Driving away, like a boss

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Pusher (1996)

July 06th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

Pusher 1 Pusher is like a Danish Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels. Sort of. It’s the story of Frank (“Franke, jeg er din vaen Franke”) who is a drug pusher on the roll, together with his mate Tonny (Mads Mikkelsen as you probably never have seen him before), until he makes a huge deal with dope that he hasn’t payed for, and he gets busted by the police.

The tables are turned, and owing a shitload of money to the Serbian gangster Milo, his life is no other than extremely difficult. Now we follow Frank in his quest to raise money in the underworld of Copenhagen to clear his debt to Milo and continue his life as somewhat normal.

It’s a hard, blood-filled, nervous and extremely real adventure we get to follow. Just as Lock, Stock it is fast-paced, its main strengths are its awesome dialogue and there are these underground gangsters who really are some one-of-a-kind characters. And its extremely fast pace (not Crank-style though, I promise).

It never gets boring. I didn’t think it would be that good, actually. It surprised me. I was getting a movie with a hell of a lot more attitude and seriousness than I expected. This is supposed to be part of a thrilogy or something, so I may grab the other movies later on. By the way, the main character Frank looks like a cross between a colleague of mine and that GTA IV protagonist (Nico?)

But for now, rest assured that you will enjoy this piece of film, despite the fact that it is Danish (yes you will need subtitles). It was awesome. Recommended without a doubt.

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Mads look mad. U mads, bro? Yes you are.

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Talk to the gun.

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The Dead Next Door (1989)

June 29th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

thedeadnextdoor Expecting a kinda crappy b-horror film, I must say that I was very impressed by the gore scenes. It may be among the best I’ve ever seen when it comes to this cheap genre of films.

The plot is, as always, ridiculous. You shouldn’t expect anything else. The government (who always seems to be involved in zombie apocalypses) sets up a zombie squad after an epidemic has made the world run rampant with living corpses.

Raimi, Kuller, Mercer (did you see what they did there with the names?) and some other douchebags head off to Ohio to try to find a cure to the epidemic but they soon run into a crazy cult of zombie lovers (!) who are set on preserving the zombies and letting a new world be born because they believe that it’s God’s will. Do you recognize the reasoning too?

Anyways, this Mercer guy gets infected with the zombie virus, so Raimi and the others must work quickly to find a cure and avoid getting murdered by the cult.

There is no big need to make this review any longer than what it already is. The gore is everything in The Dead Next Door. Everything else sucks, as it actually should. Pictures below show what I mean. It’s funny. In fact, Sam Raimi used the money he got from Evil Dead II to fund the whole film. It’s true. Knowing that you may be a bit more eager to grab a copy.

Watch it for the gore. You’ll love it.

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Now you see the head.

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Now you don’t.

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Åke Persson, Thomas Oldrup – 101 historiska myter (2010)

May 27th, 2011 | Category: Book Reviews

101historiskaMyter ISBN: 9186297228

101 historiska myter är en underhållande bok som ifrågasätter seglivade historiska “faktum” och självklarheter som kanske inte är så självklara. Inledningen är förtroendeingivande, där författarna inte ställer några som helst krav på dig att du ska svälja allting  med hull och hår – utan istället uppmuntrar till ett kritiskt förhållningssätt, även mot deras egna texter.

Varje myt är beskriven på 2 sidor, där upplägget är att man först beskriver myten varefter man förklarar varför det inte alls är speciellt troligt att myten är sann. Och listan är ganska imponerande; en del saker har man redan tidigare insett att de inte är sanna, medan andra saker är (i alla fall för mig) nya fakta.

Stilen är populärvetenskaplig, så förvänta dig inte miljoner källhänvisningar och referenser. Det är dock inte så svårt att kolla upp de påståenden som författarna skriver i boken. Det hela är väldigt underhållande, och det är lätt att lägga ifrån sig boken ett litet slag för att sedan ta vid den senare, då de olika kapitlen inte hänger ihop på något som helst sätt.

De myter som avlivas är följande:

  • Vikingarna hade horn på hjälmarna
  • Cajsa Warg sa “Man tager vad man haver”
  • Kungen har inte rösträtt
  • Kleopatra dog genom att låta sig bitas av en huggorm
  • Jesus kom till världen den 25 december år noll
  • Alströmer var den förste att odla potatis i Sverige
  • Det har funnits en kvinnlig påve
  • Riddartorneringar avgjordes alltid i form av dueller
  • Kejsar Nero spelade violin medan Rom brann
  • Anastasia överlevde mordet på tsarfamiljen
  • Karl XII förde kåldolmarna från Turkiet till Sverige
  • Många finansmän tog livet av sig under Wall Street-kraschen 1929
  • Ett maratonlopp motsvarar sträckan Marathon-Athen
  • Marie-Antoinette sa “Låt dem äta bakelser”
  • Amerikanska inbördeskriget var en strid för eller mot slaveriet
  • Karl XIV Johan hette egentligen Jean Baptiste Bernadotte
  • När Mussolini styrde Italien gick tågen i tid
  • Tycho Brahe dog av att hans urinblåsa sprack
  • Eva gav Adam ett äpple i Edens lustgård
  • George Washington hade löständer av trä
  • Finska skriget 1808-09 var Sveriges sista krig
  • Hitler låg bakom bygget av Autobahn
  • Under den viktorianska epoken kläddes “osedliga” möbelben i tyg
  • Julius Caesar var Roms förste kejsare
  • Woodstockfestivalen hölls i Woodstock
  • Den skotska kilten är uråldrig och säckpipan är en skotsk uppfinning
  • Christofer Columbus upptäckte Amerika
  • Winston Churchill myntade begreppet “järnridån”
  • FBI-chefen J Edgar Hoover var transvestit
  • Vincent van Gogh skar av sig ena örat
  • Hakkorset och järnkorset  uppfanns av nazisterna
  • Albert Einstein hade dåliga betyg
  • Carl XVI Gustaf är den 16:e svenska kungen med namnet Carl
  • Romarnas togor var vita
  • Gutenberg uppfann boktryckarkonsten
  • Kejsar Napoleon I var kortvuxen
  • Munken Dom Pérignon uppfann champagnen
  • Bender, där Karl XII utkämpade den berömda kalabaliken, ligger i Turkiet
  • Egyptens pyramider byggdes av slavar
  • Hitler var jude och hette egentligen Schicklgruber
  • Raketen som landade på månen 1969 bar namnet Apollo II
  • På medeltiden trodde man att jorden var platt
  • Kristian X bar davidsstjärna under nazisternas ockupation av Danmark
  • Sherlock Holmes sa “Elementärt, min käre Watson”
  • Vikingarna offrade människor i ett tempel i Gamla Uppsala
  • Erik XIV dog av förgiftad ärtsoppa
  • Hundraårskriget varade i 100 år
  • Sjörövare lät sina fångar gå plankan
  • Drottning Victoria sa “Blunda och tänk på fosterlandet”
  • Ansgar kristnade Norden
  • Kinesiska muren kan ses från månen
  • Vikingarna åt flugsvamp före en strid
  • Adolf Hitler var kortväxt, homosexuell och saknade en testikel
  • Valdemar Atterdag brandskattade Visby
  • Wilhelm Tell sköt bort ett äpple från sin sons huvud
  • Walt Disney uppfann Joakim von Anka
  • Charle Lindbergh var den förste som flög över Atlanten
  • Ryska oktoberrevolutionen ägde rum i oktober 1917
  • Feminister brände sina behåar på 1960-talet
  • Newton “upptäckte” tyngdkraften när han fick ett äpple i huvudet
  • Medeltiden var mörk
  • Karl XI reste runt i riket förklädd till “Gråkappan”
  • Polska ryttare anföll tyska pansarvagnar med lansar 1939
  • Dödsdömda som överlever sin egen avrättning benådas automatiskt
  • Mathias Rust flög oupptäckt från Tyskland till Röda Torget
  • Antikens marmorstatyer och byggnader var vita
  • Prins Albert hade piercat ollon
  • Jesus avrättades på ett kors
  • Gustav Vasa åkte skidor från Sälen till Mora
  • Julius Caesars sista ord var “även du, Brutus”
  • Hustrun försågs med ett kyskhetsbälte när mannen drog ut på korståg
  • Frankenstein var ett monster
  • Vikingarna kastade ned sina gamla från en ättestupa
  • Jesus föddes i Betlehem söder om Jerusalem
  • Billy the Kid blev 21 år och dödade 21 män
  • Muhammed var pedofil
  • Karl X Gustav tågade över Stora Bält 1658
  • Herremannen hade rätt till första natten med bruden
  • Marco Polo introducerade pastan i Europa
  • Gustav III mördades under maskeradbalen på Operan
  • Napoleons trupper sköt bort den egyptiska sfinxens nästa
  • Göring sa “När jag hör ordet kultur osäkrar jag min revolver”
  • Robert Peary var den första mannen på Nordpolen
  • Henrik VIII lät avrätta alla sina drottningar
  • Colosseum har fått sitt namn efter sin storlek
  • Cortés besegrade aztekerna med bara 500 soldater
  • Heliga Birgitta är Sveriges enda riktiga helgon
  • Tutankhamuns förbannelse drabbade dem som hittade hans grav
  • På medeltiden brände man hundratusentals häxor
  • Katarina den stora dog när hon hade sex med en häst
  • James Cook upptäckte Australien
  • Birka var Sveriges första stad
  • Giljotinens uppfinnare avrättades själv i den
  • Hitler vägrade skaka hand med OS-medaljören Jesse Owens
  • Det har funnits ett matriarkat
  • Magellan gjorde den första världsomseglingen
  • Drinken Bloody Mary har fått sitt namn efter Maria I
  • Kristian II kallades tyrann i Sverige och den gode i Danmark
  • Maffian kastade sina fiender i vattnet med cement runt fötterna
  • Luther spikade upp sina 95 teser på kyrkporten i Wittenberg
  • Adolf Fredrik åt ihjäl sig på semlor

There you go. Läs och begrunda och inse att du blivit lurad sedan barnsben.

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Initial D: Battle Stage (2002)

May 07th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

InitialD01 I hate fillers. They just summarize the past like 20 events or something into one episode or movie.

Initial D: Battle Stage is precisely that. A filler. They jut list all the races as “battles” and then you get to see them, with some short text description that are like 3 lines long that somehow should justify why they are racing.

If you just want the races and not care about anything else in Initial D, I guess this would suite you well instead of watching the real episodes. I found it straight out boring. Ignore this pile of shit that I regard only as a weak attempt to make more money out of a successful brand.

The sad thing is that they probably succeeded.

1 comment

1984 (1956)

April 28th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

1984 sleeve Based on the well-known book by George Orwell. In short, it’s about this futuristic state-run society controlled by Big Brother, in which love is outlaved and thoughtcrime is among the worst things you can do. Winston Smith, an employee of the state whose job is to alter media to alter the history, falls for Julia and is tortured and brainwashed for his crime.

All in all I think the film version was quite well adapted from the book. I am however a bit dissapointed that they chose to end it in a much more boring way than what Orwell did initally. Some people hate seeing the books they read become films, because they always get so disappointed. I’m the other way around. I love to see how other people’s fantasy works and how they interpreted what they have read. Even though the result may be far from satisfactory, I still like to compare and experience that.

Considering the vintage, 1984 is decent. But perhaps not on my top list of best movies of awesomeness ever. I think I may be a bit subjective, since I think the story it tells is so important – too important for anyone to miss.

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The dude is watching you.

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Madagascar (2005)

April 16th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

madagascar2005 Believe me, Madagascar is your perfect hungover-like-a-fucking-jackal-movie.

Story: At New York’s Central Park Zoo, a lion, a zebra, a giraffe, and a hippo are best friends and stars of the show. But when one of the animals goes missing from their cage, the other three break free to look for him, only to find themselves reunited … on a ship en route to Africa. When their vessel is hijacked, however, the friends, who have all been raised in captivity, learn first-hand what life can be like in the wild.

I’ve really nothing to add. Really. It’s your standard animated movie with the comedy and mandatory emotional twist somewhere near the middle or the end and then it ends happily.

I want to know why these kind of movies always work so god damn well after drinking yourself back to the stone age. Any other day I would’ve hatet it because of it’s mundane plot. So, if you feel obliged to comment on this post, please elaborate why my brain loves easy animated movies when it’s idling these sunday afternoons.

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Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering (1996)

April 09th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

children-of-the-corn-iv-the-gathering-cover The fourth Children of the Corn movies is actually a bit better than one could hope for. It starts with every child in a town gets a high fever, cramps and generally gets sick as hell. The day after they become evil, almost obsessed by some demon. They change personality and “becomes” children that was killed for a long time ago.

Then, the mayhem starts. They kill adult after adult in cruel ways (here’s where the golden pieces are – the gore presented is not to be underestimated). A daughter is returning to this town to help her family – save her mother and protect her younger sister, who now apparently has become some evil entity.

Of course the children becomes more and more fucked up and finally they cross the line and try to summon a since long dead corn king or something like that.

Anyways. Besides the fact that corn isn’t per se scary, we get some really decent gore scenes. It’s obviously it’s greatest (and perhaps only) strength. To stay true to the original King novel is nothing they even bothered to do, so don’t get any expectations on that part.

Children of the Corn IV is the most bloody of all Children o the Corn movies so far. And we also get a shootout and zombie kids in the end. Sort of. So it may be worth grabbing if you’re bored.

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Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)

April 09th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

MPW-35831 The third movie based on King’s novel has an impressive start when a kid orders the corn field to tear apart his father’s arms, legs, seel his mouth and eyes and finally crucify him so he becomes a scare crow. Not that I condone such action, I just found it interesting to watch. After that the Corn bible sinks into the earth, and so does the film.

What happens is that they have taken the countryside horror movie into the urban areas and redo the same concept again – but this time in concrete. Where have we seen this kind of behaviour before? Some kind of sequel with Predators, perhaps?

Children of the Corn III is not frightening. It doesn’t have the same eerie atmosphere as the preivous two. It’s not worth watching at all. Here, I’ll save you some time and let you know how it ends:

In the final scenes, we have this climax where a giant plant decides it’s boring to not really do anything so it decides to become evil and kill a lot of kids that happen to be in the corn field (in the middle of the concrete buildings). I have to tell you that this is the only time where I am a bit impressed; shouts of death, blood, gore, and all that shit is presented straight up in your face – in a humouristic kind of way. Too bad it isn’t enough to save the film. Skip this.

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Children of the Corn (1984)

April 09th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

lf To begin with let’s establish that the film was made during the year of miracles – 1984. Why 1984? Because I was born that year.

Anyways, this means that the film stems from a great vintage. For you uneducated bastards that doesn’t know about Children of the Corn, let me tell you that it is based on a short novel by Stephen King. I’ve read the novel. It’s fucking great. This adaptation to the movie screen is remarkably well done for being a dramatization of such a great novel. I’m completely satisfied during the one and a half hour it’s running.

The story? A little brat named Isaac is preaching for other children in a town named Gatlin (Nebraska). He convinces the children to kill every adult in town. In parallell, we get to follow a young couple, who happens to run over a little kid and is about to report this in the nearest town. The nearest town happens to be – surprise surprise – Gatlin!

However, the city seems to be completely empty when they arrive. It doesn’t take long before they notice that they are not alone, and also has a gang of vicious kids with murder in their eyes hunting them.

Isaac is an annoying little kid with the most annoying voice in the whole fucking world (after that bitch in Nanny, whatever her name is. Fran something-something. You know who I mean). Come to think about it, Isaac may have an even more annoying voice than that slut.

Considering his voice, I totally understand the other kids who was fed up with his bullshit and hanged him on some kind of pole made of corn (in Swedish this would be a great pun).

The only real downside to the watching experience is that we get a real anti-climax in the end. This whole American-countryside-horror-atmosphere makes me forget that, cause I like it so much.

Children of the Corn is a classic movie that you cannot afford to miss. At least not the first movie. I will get back to you if the other like 34 movies in the same series is something to spend your time on.

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Le pacte des loups (2001)

April 09th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

brotherhood_of_the_wolf Also known as Brotherhood of the Wolf. Got the advice from the Flackinator to set my teeth into this spectacle of Frenchness. So I got hold of a copy with english subtitles, that were shown with the color green with a magenta halo around every characer. What the hell did they think when they did that? It’s hard as shit to read!

Anyways, the story is quite simple. Almost like Sleepy Hollow going less supernatural and more barehand fighting. The year is 1765. Something was stalking the mountains of central France. It’s a beast that pounced on humans and animals with terrible ferocity (easy to see why when you get to the first encounter).

Rumours spread fast, even all the way to Paris so the King of France dispatched envoys to ind out what was happening and to kill the creature who took some of his tax payers. It always comes down to taxes in the end.

It’s all based on the legend of the Beast of Gevaudan (read up, m’fucka). So there were actually a real “beast” killing real people. The film tells first and explains afterwards, keeping some mystery until the very end. First, this special envoy of the King who is a biologist, an explorer and a philosopher (why the latter would matter I don’t know, but they do make this a point) arrives in the Gevaudan region – together with his bad ass homeboy Mani, who I’d like to call the badass indian guy (played by Mark Dacascos, who is known for Crying Freeman). The beast has been attacking children and women and whatever else for months and nobody has ever been able to catch the sucker.

So, since everyone else in France at that time seems to be fucking worthless, it is up to this envoy Fronsac and Mani to get things straight and show that damn beast who’s the boss around the place. But the beast is not the only problem; also ignorance, bigotry and conspiracy will stand in their way in the hunt for the truth.

Okay, so was it any good? Well, yes. It was better than expected. I thought it would be some lame ass drama with people being boring and all 18th century like with their wigs and shit, but it had more. It had freaking awesome fighting scenes. Mark Dacascos can really fight, so they took the opportunity to show him off. Damn good choice! There’s a lot of fighting in the end, then it gets to some nudity and sex, then the movie gets quite boring for  a while until it catches up in the end for the climatic battles. I am impressed.

I only have one problem with it – it’s way too god damn long! Two and a half hours are way too much, especially when they are filled with boring transportation scenes and the pace is kind of lost.

I’d really recommend you to watch it.

Brotherhood_Of_The_Wolf_05

Eat my boomstick!

brotherhoodofthewolfpic

Hey ground, GTFO! Here I come!

beast_gevaudan

Rawr!

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Bullitt (1968)

April 08th, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

SteveMcQueen The other day we had this movie night with the some people in my team at work, and we were all supposed to bring a movie produced before 1970. Lots of good choices were brought to the final stand, and the final choice became Bullitt. I haven’t heard of the film before, but it was supposedly very famous, especially for its car chase scene and that badass mofo Steve McQueen (although I can’t credit him for having a hardcore surname. McQueen? Come on! Sounds like a product from a hamburger joint. If I was Steve, I would’ve changed my surname to King. Or something like that).

Anyways, it was a sweet night and great company, so let’s get straight ahead to the actual movie.

Frank Bullitt is this high profile San Francisco police lieutenant. He’s asked personally by Walter Chalmers (looks a lot like Kyle McLachalahchclaan, you know that dude from Twin Peaks), who is in town to hold a US Senate subcommittee hearing on organized crime, to guard Johnny Ross, a Chicago based mobster who is about to turn evidence against The Organization (yay, they didn’t even have the  decency to figure out an actual name for the organization behind the illegal business) at the hearing. I bet Peter Yates [director] was like:

– Hey Alan [writer], what organization is Frank actually fighting against?
– Shut up, I’m eating
– Come one, I gotta know! We’re shooting the scenes now you know!
– Shut UP, I’m EATING, can’t you hear me biting into this McFeast?
– … you want to get paid or not?
– Alright, alright already! The organization Frank is fighting is called… *om nom nom* … The Organization.
– Wha…?
– The Organization. And that’s fucking final. Now let me finish this burger.
– …. fuck you. But okay. Let’s go for that. And let me have some of that fries
– NO! FUCK OFF!

Well, something like that. I’ve got the evidence. Just ask me for it.

Chalmers is a pussy. He wants Ross’ safety at all cost, or else Bullitt will pay the consequences. Bullitt teams up with two dudes named Delgetti and Stanton, they should babysit this Ross in protective custody for 48 hours over the weekend until Ross provides his testimony.

Then shit starts to blow up and people get killed and Bullitt gets the blame for getting people killed and then they have this car chase scene and then they run around on an airport among airplanes about to take off. I must say that much have happened in clipping and editing techniques since the sixties. For being a movie from a decade long long before I was even born, Bullitt was pretty good. The famous car chase scene was cool since it felt very real and had perfect sound. The engines tore up the sound spectrum like langoliers eating up reality. However, all other scenes felt kind of slow and a bit too prolonged to keep the interest at top throughout the whole watching experience.

But I guess this is one of these classic movies you have to watch sometime in your life. For being so old I give it a quite good score. Compared to newer productions I am not too impressed. The soundtrack is notably good sweet for your ears.

Bullitt-car chase

If you google Bullitt (like I did for this review), you will not get any stills from the film. Not any shots of the hunk McWhatever. You will get Mustangs. Lots of motherfucking mustangs. So I chose this picture since it depicts the best part of the whole movie.

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El traspatio (2009)

April 02nd, 2011 | Category: Movie Reviews

backyard Also known as Backyard. This is a fictional account of the unending series of (most definitely real) murders of young women in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, which began in 1996.

Most of the victims are low-paid laborers who have been drawn to the town by the possibility of work at American-owned factories. In the film, we get to see Mexican police officer Blanca Bravo who is sent to Cuidad Juarez to investigate and comes to learn realities of these women’s lives, as well  as the truth about a police force and local power structure embodied by the entrepreneur Mickey Santos that has ceased to care.

We’ve seen this before (newly transferred cop tries to do the right things in the right way but is stopped by conservative motherfuckers, and then finally takes action on his/her own and almost saves the day).

The most interesting thing about the film is that it brings the harsh reality of these towns to the surface and spreads the word around the world. However, I could not really engage myself into the plot – thus, I found it quite boring. Most fun was the fact that they actually speak different languages (mostly spanish, some english, and even some arabic). I couldn’t keep count of how many times someone was called cabron. It made me smile. Only people close to me will understand why.

Anyways, I think you can safely skip this movie.

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